The Kids Come First, But Should They?

Why “Kids Come First” Isn’t Always Best for Families

Parents love to say, “Our kids come first.” It sounds good, wholesome, noble even — like something that should be embroidered on a pillow. And sure, who wouldn’t want to give their kids the best life possible? But here’s the kicker: when your marriage gets shoved so far down the priority list it’s somewhere below “buy more dish soap,” everyone suffers. Yes, even your little angels.

Of course, kids’ safety comes first. That’s obvious. But their every whim? Their 17th extracurricular? Their urgent 9 p.m. request to build a volcano for science class tomorrow? That does not automatically deserve top billing. Spoiler: your marriage does. Because when the couple cracks, the whole house shakes.

1. Kids Learn by Watching (and They’re Ruthless Observers)

Kids don’t listen. Let’s be honest. You could give a heartfelt TED Talk about kindness and respect, and they’d still be secretly picking their nose. What they do is watch you like hawks.

So, if they see Mom and Dad laugh, kiss, hold hands, or team up like Batman and Robin, that’s their blueprint for love. If they see cold shoulders and constant sniping, congratulations — that’s the relationship model you just handed them for their 20s.

Moral of the story? Kiss your spouse in front of the kids. Embarrass them. Scar them with PDA. It’s character-building.

2. Boundaries Teach Kids They’re Not the Emperor of Earth

A “kids first” household sounds nice until you realize you’ve basically raised a tiny monarch. Parents drop everything: “Yes, your majesty, I’ll abandon this sentence to fetch your water.” Newsflash — that’s how you end up with a 14-year-old who thinks the universe revolves around their TikTok schedule.

Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re mercy. Telling your child, “Hold that thought, I’m finishing my conversation with Mom,” is not neglect — it’s preparing them for adulthood. Because spoiler: no one else in life will worship them the way you do.

3. Strong Partnerships: Cheaper Than Divorce

Couples who actually hang out together, talk, and still flirt are less likely to split up. Shocking, I know. Divorce lawyers, however, are not shocked — they’re thrilled. They make a fortune off couples who ignored each other for 15 years and then finally noticed.

Think of marriage like a car: you can change the oil regularly, or you can replace the whole engine later. And engines, like divorces, aren’t cheap.

Your kids don’t just need two adults in the same house. They need two adults who actually still want to be in the same house.

4. Intimacy: The Difference Between Lovers and Roommates

Neglect your relationship long enough, and suddenly your marriage feels less like a romance and more like a small business partnership. You handle logistics: groceries, carpools, Netflix passwords. And intimacy? Gone.

But here’s the thing: intimacy — yes, the hugs, the flirting, the “you still look good in those jeans” — is the glue. Without it, you’re just co-managers of KidCorp LLC. And no child in history has said, “I’m so grateful my parents sacrificed all passion so I could make it to 17 violin recitals a week.”

5. Lower Stress = Less Screaming Matches

You know the vibe in a house where the couple can’t stand each other? Tense. Like walking into a zoo enclosure where the tigers are circling.

Now imagine the opposite: parents actually like each other, laugh, have each other’s back. The air feels lighter. The fights are fewer. And bonus — the kids don’t have to hide in their rooms waiting for the storm to pass.

Your relationship is basically the thermostat of the house. If it’s cold and hostile, everyone feels it. If it’s warm and loving, the whole place runs smoother.

6. A Strong Marriage = Kids Who Actually Understand Family

When parents prioritize each other, kids learn family isn’t about one person’s needs dominating — it’s about balance. They see love as teamwork, not as “Mom martyring herself for my soccer practice while Dad sulks in the corner.”

They watch you laugh together, forgive each other, and still make space for your dreams. And that paints a way healthier picture than the “burn yourself out for the children” model.

Practical Ways to Put Your Relationship First

• Date night = non-negotiable. Pizza on the couch counts. So does grocery shopping without kids.

• Finish your sentences. Tell your kids, “Hold on, I’m talking.” Bonus: it shocks them every time.

• Back each other up. No “good cop/bad cop.” You’re a team, not rival attorneys.

• Keep the spark alive. Winks, butt pats, kitchen kisses. Yes, even in front of the kids. Especially in front of the kids.

• Get help. Babysitters exist. Grandparents exist. Use them. You don’t win prizes for doing it all alone.

Final Thought

Loving your kids doesn’t mean sacrificing your marriage on the altar of travel soccer and last-minute science projects. It means showing them what healthy, lasting love looks like.

So the next time you feel guilty about choosing dinner with your spouse over one more extracurricular? Don’t. Your child will survive missing one piano lesson. In fact, they might even benefit from seeing that Mom and Dad still like each other more than they like chauffeuring.

Because when the foundation is strong, the family doesn’t just stand taller — it also laughs more, argues less, and maybe, just maybe, finds the Wi-Fi password without a meltdown.